OhMyFamily

Hi! It has been so long since I last blogged. I read my old post and I would laugh at myself. Hahaha~ Look at that girl when she was young typing ever so weirdly ^^
However there is still this pain in my heart.. My family isn't getting any better. We talked lesser, I just felt uncomfortable with them. It hurts. Why do I have to mature so fast? Others still bicker with their parents, still jokes around and talk to their parents. And I am just that lonely little daughter in other's eyes, that horrible girl of that family. I still wonder why my mother has to make me into such a horrible person in other's eyes. A disorganised, bratty, bitchy girl image. Why does my mum do this? She tells me to die almost everyday. ONe memory that really hurt me is when I have high high fever, all I can do was lie in my bed all day and my mum came home telling me to die faster and screamed at me. Since young the memories of my mother, in every years, I could remember her threatening to kill me. Iknow she won't, hopefully, but it will stay in my heart. It really hurt me emmotionally. she kind of killed me a millionth time in my mind. Even not waking up on time for school, 'YOU SHOULD JUST DIE, WHY DID YOU COME TO THIS WORLD!'. or maybe spilling a cup of your drink, 'OH JUST DIE GO AND DIE SOONER THE BETTER HOW COULD YOU BE SO CLUMSY. JUST DIE!' I mean they could have just came out unknowingly, but i hated it, why can she smile and laugh to my brother and not me? Seriously... Who am I to her?
I am not complaining or what, I already admit to my fate so what's there to complain. Hahah.. I figured out I should just do well in studies and go on and have a better future.
I still want to repay them for feeding me all this while when I was young. People say a mother would sarcrifies evrything, everything, for her child but not even willing to take a child to school at an age of 8 is more than what she needs to give? Is not like the 8 yrs old could drive a car or what.
9yrs old and WALKING TO SCHOOL ALONE. with that distance. Seriously?
I should just take care of them when they are old anyways. There may still be some love :) Despite the crazy insensible things they have done to me. I still love them I think. Why do I feel a little bitterness when i say i llove them? perharps I don't? Anyways, thanks for bringing me into this world. to suffer. MENTALLY.